Anna (40) and Mike Sejake (42) had been married for seven years until the time of their divorce. Their son Thabiso, who was then six years old, experienced the harshness of his parents’ divorce. Mike Sejake tells his side of the story.
“OUR divorce was rather sudden. In February 1993, I was served with divorce papers in front of my work colleagues. I knew our marriage was rocky and had been going downhill since my wife had a hysterectomy. It was my first marriage but my wife’s third. She was well versed in the way divorce works and I had no idea what was in store for me.
From the beginning, it was all a secret. When I got home that first night, I found out our son had been told about the divorce. Why she didn’t want to discuss it first is beyond me, and everything she has done since was done in the same manner.
I originally wanted custody of our son since I really did the most with him. My ex-wife was either in school at night or working nights and weekends, so Thabiso and I would be together almost all of the time. After he was born his mother returned to work where she started at 6:30 in the morning. It was my responsibility to get Thabiso ready before taking him to the babysitter. I would get Thabiso up, changed, dressed and fed. Friends and relatives often commented on the special relationship Thabiso and I have.
However, when my attorney went over the statistics and costs of a custody battle, it was not a very bright picture. When I was ordered out of the residence and ordered to pay maintenance and support totalling 75 percent of my take home earnings, I saw the courts certainly don’t take the father’s role seriously. I was left with less than R400 a week to live on. I had visitation rights every Wednesday and every other weekend.
Fortunately, my ex-wife didn’t deprive our son of his visits to me. But I was never allowed any additional time with him. She preferred to pay a babysitter when she worked on nights rather than allow me more quality time with him.
Everything would change again though. I was served papers in February 1997 that she intended to move to Cape Town with my son. There was a clause in the decree which stated that she could not move with my son without my consent. My ex-wife moved without the court’s approval and I resorted to the courts to bring him back and I won a temporary custody order. The court ordered his immediate return to Johannesburg and under a temporary custody order he stayed with me. In 1998 I was finally granted permanent custody of Thabiso.
He went and visited his mother in Cape Town over the Christmas and New Year holidays. I am glad he has adjusted well. He is a wonderful boy.
The cost for all this? More than R40 000. Certainly, I do not have that kind of money and have to rely on my parents’ retirement and other family members to help cover the costs.
All that was spent to protect my rights and in response to ex-wife’s actions. I never initiated any action unless I had to, such as responding to her unauthorised move to Cape Town.
My attorney convinced me from the beginning that a mediator is more cost-effective but my ex-wife felt she had a better chance in court of getting what she wanted, according to a friend of hers. It is sad to note that if you add the arount I have had to pay, in addition to the amount my ex-wife has, that money could have been used towards our son’s education.
Anna Sejake says she genuinely believed she would have a better chance of being a custodial parent if the custody matter was heard in court.
She regrets having to put Thabiso under such strain.
She would not comment further than this.
This story was sourced from a Johannesburg psychologist, who may not he identified. Names have been changed to protect the identity of the child.
